What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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