We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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