no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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