Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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