I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
