it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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