I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
