I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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