garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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