hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
