Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
