Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
