I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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