how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
