My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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