lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
