the condom got lost in my hair
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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