i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
