I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
