I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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