this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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