Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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