I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
