So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
