he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
