dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
