You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize