I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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