So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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