where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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