I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
