I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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