What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
