I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
