I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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