I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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