My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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