O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
