I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
