i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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