Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
