I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize