I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
