I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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