it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
