It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
