Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
