It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
