Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
