New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
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