don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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