dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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