Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
