They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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