Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
