I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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