You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
How's work?
Spinning.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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