remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
