god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
