I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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