I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
