This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
