I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
So. Much. Porn.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
