I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
only you would photoshop your dick
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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