obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
