i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
