Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
