do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
My pussy is not your playground.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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