I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
