Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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