Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
